you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
