Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
