Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
