Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize