how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
