apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
