Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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