we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
