If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
