i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
