oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
