who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
