True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
