Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
