the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
