i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
