I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
