He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
