How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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