Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
