I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
