Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
