the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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