Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
