I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
