I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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