Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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