When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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