Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
