If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
