u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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