i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
