i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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