Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
