I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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