I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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