This girl is more easily done than said...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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