I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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