They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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