All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
