i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
