What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
