I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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