you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
