6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
