rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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