She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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