Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
