i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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