she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
