Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
