In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
