The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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