Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
