States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
