Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
