If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
