i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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