I think im going to throw up on grandma
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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