I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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