Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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