When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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