As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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