I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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