i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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