that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
