It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
