i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
