There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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