remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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