your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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