Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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