I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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