3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
