Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
