just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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