Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
