I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
