I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
