His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
