you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
