Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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