I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize