i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
