Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
