a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So squirting runs in the family.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
