so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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